dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
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