On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
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