Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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