he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
