Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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