Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Randomize
