watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
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