I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
