Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize