I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
