that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
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