goodnight i made you a song goodbye
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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