If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
people are starting to question the shark bite story
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
