Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
