The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Randomize
