I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
