there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize