I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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