My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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