You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
