oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Randomize
