When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Never underestimate the power of titties
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
