Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize