so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
And then my night got REAL pukey
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
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