It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
