I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Randomize
