anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Randomize
