Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
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