Betty ford says i'm here all night
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
