I cannot find my penis.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Randomize
