I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
