I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
