you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
