I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
