im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
