she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
