She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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