My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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