your thong is hanging out like whoa
Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
