It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
