Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
