So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
