Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
