I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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