Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Randomize
