Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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