i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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