I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Randomize
