After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Randomize
