He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Randomize
