Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
