where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
