worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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