you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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