Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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