things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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