Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
