I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
This beer is not sobering me up at all
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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