FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
