I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
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