Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Randomize
