so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Randomize
