Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
