New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
