the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Randomize
