I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
be right there i have to get my cape
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
