you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
