my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
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