she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
