I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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