Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
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