Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I don't deserve a penis
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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