just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Randomize
